


The Tem Village Extraction and Other Ridiculous Tales

by FireGodsSon, FishSlayer



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Entirely for fun, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Multi, Some of these tags are just in case, Stupid Humor that is, gets kinda dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-05 05:11:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5362601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireGodsSon/pseuds/FireGodsSon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/FishSlayer/pseuds/FishSlayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of stupid one shots featuring my favorite mismatched family from the Underground. Post Barrier-break (mostly). </p><p>Features female Frisk. Some will be co-written with my brother (FireGodsSon). Updates will be extremely sporadic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tem Village Extraction

**Author's Note:**

> This first one was co-written with my brother (FireGodsSon). It is very lightly edited, and stupid. Warning: The term "Temmie" is used heavily. Enjoy, freaks.

"Remind me why we're coming down here again? To torture ourselves?" Undyne groaned irately and kicked a clump of dirt into the air. 

Somewhere behind her, Toriel sighed. "We can't leave the Temmies down here all alone. It wouldn't be right."  
Frisk nodded in agreement, determination clear in her expression and in her small, swift strides.

"Okay but did we have to bring the whole family?" Sans asked anxiously. The lazy skeleton always had an excuse not to do his part or work, but he actually seemed slightly unnerved.

"Y-yeah. I'm not good with this type of s-stuff. I'll probably just get in the way!" Alphys muttered out loud. She also seemed slightly unnerved.

"SANS, DR. ALPHYS! WE ALL MUST DO OUR PART TO GET EVERYONE TO THE SURFACE. STOP BEING LAZY!!!" Papyrus was leading the group with Frisk, his usual swagger and large grin amplified by their heroic mission.

"Er, the Temmies have a deep history. So I'm sure they will come willingly when we inform them of the situation." Asgore hesitantly added, prompting a louder groan of annoyance from Undyne. 

With the glow of the cave fungus and the strange grass lighting their path, the group soon came upon the small cave-like area set aside for Temmie Village. Everyone excluding Papyrus and Frisk hung back reluctantly, not willing to engage with the deranged creatures quite so soon. Yet, sooner than they realized, they were caught within Temmies' web of suffering.

"HOI. IM TEMMIE", A Temmie shouted at Undyne. She jumped slightly, frowning deeply at the creature, extreme discomfort written all over her expression.

One of the small, furry monsters appeared behind Toriel, who greeted it kindly. "You know, even though these creatures are very... challenged, they are cute if you can get over that."

Unfortunately some simply did not have Toriel's patience. "Alright listen up you little punks!!!!!!!!" Undyne shouted as loud as she could, prompting everyone to cover their ears as they had no wish to be deaf. "The barrier is broken! You can leave now, to the Overworld!!! Let's go. Come on. Everybody out!!!" She clapped her hands at the crowd of Temmies.

In the meantime Alphys had been successfully avoiding the Temmies, dodging around them and looking as small and uninteresting as possible, when her tail hit something strangely textured. She spun around, "O-oh, I'm sorry-" She was interrupted by the sound of bongos.

"Mushroom dance, mushroom dance, what could it mean?" Suddenly a tall, blue mushroom was glaring at her with the most accusatory eyes she'd ever seen. "IT MEANS YOU'VE LIVED A LIFE OF SIN." She froze and started sweating. 'DOES THIS MUSHROOM KNOW ABOUT THE MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE FANFIC I WROTE THAT TIME, OR THE ONE ABOUT UNDYNE AND I-'

Papyrus was trying to get them to understand that they were free, while the Temmies on the other hand kept trying to get him to understand that they had a deep history. Frisk was the only one out of the group who didn't look overwhelmed, instead, she was bench pressing two Temmies at once and scowling with a tough 'I lift, bro" face. Undyne gave her an impressed grin and a thumbs up before getting back to the task at hand. 

Asgore came up with a strategy and had started to try to herd them from the back of the village to the exit. He used his large size to ensure there would be no escape, but a few Temmies surprised him by leaping out of the wall.

The Temmies Frisk held above her head so triumphantly happily shouted, "tHE CUTE HUMAN!!! temmie is touching it!!! iT'S SO CUTE!!!" Nearby, Sans nearly escaped having to put effort into anything but he was beset by Temmies before he had the chance to escape. They slowly buried him in an obnoxious pile of fur and noise. "Kid, help, no, never mind...I'm doomed, my temmie has come." And he pretended to die.

Papyrus completely ignored his brother's apparent demise, all because of the pun he decided to make. Which many of the residents of Tem Village reacted very favorably to, bouncing and vibrating over and joining the ever-growing pile on top of the small skeleton.

From another side of (the very tiny) Tem Village, Toriel laughed softly at Sans's joke, causing the Temmies she had managed to coax towards the exit to suddenly fill with energy. They began bouncing around, unsure of what they were excited about, but Toriel had laughed.

Frisk placed both of the Temmies she was using as weights on top of Sans's doom pile. "Oh my god. This is ridiculous!! We were so close and then Sans just had to make that pun!!!" Undyne shook her fist angrily. "Cant we just leave them here at this point???!!" She shouted to Asgore, who of course shook his head in the negative.

After placing her Temmie weights on top of Sans' pile, Frisk quickly entered Tem Shop. She came out nonchalantly carrying the shop-owner under one arm, and the shop-owner's face in her free hand. The shop-owner carried a small briefcase in her paws, seemingly content with the situation.

"I THINK... I THINK FRISK IS ON TO SOMETHING!" Papyrus cried proudly.

"I feel like the little nerd is holding back on us..." Undyne grumpily muttered.

Frisk held a hand up to Papyrus before he started picking up Temmies and gestured to the long rubber gloves she wore. Papyrus raised a brow. "Near everyone's allergic to Temmie, Papyrus. Frisk simply doesn't want you to have a reaction!" Toriel called out kindly. Alphys tilted her head to the side, her expression concerned.

"Can skeletons have allergies?" Everyone paused. "I mean... Sans is covered in Temmie by now." All gazes turned upon Sans' death pile.

"SANS!!!" Papyrus cried as he started running toward the writhing pile of Temmies, tears flowing and shining in the air behind him as he ran. "Get off of him you furry little shits!!!!" Undyne had already begun sifting through the pile with the shaft of an energy spear. Asgore joined in, wrapping all the Temmies on the pile up in his enormous cape and hefting them over his shoulder.

Papyrus gently lifted and held his brother's head off the ground. "SANS!!!! WHAT HAVE THOSE SAVAGES DONE TO YOU???!!!" He sobbed dramatically. Sans was covered in bright red liquid. The group gathered around the skeleton brothers in concern.

"It's..." Sans coughed and gripped his brother's collar. "It's just ketchup." He grinned like the little shit he knew he was being. 

Undyne kicked him in the side. "Are you alright or not??!" Papyrus abruptly dropped his brother's head on the ground. "I AM SO DONE."  
"W-well at least we have most of the Temmies in one place!" Alphys shouted, trying not to laugh.

They heard a few Temmies begin to converse like the classy, sophisticated monsters they were.

"Temmie is warm, Temmie loikes warm!"

"Temmie is allergic to Temmie, but Temmie loves Temmie!"

"Temmie loikes to tickle Temmie!"

Then, suddenly, one of them screamed.

"Temmie want to breed with TEMMIE!!!!!!"

"OH FUCK NO, ASGORE LET'S GET THEM OUT OF HERE!!!!!" Undyne started forcefully shoving Asgore out of the cave, avoiding touching even the fabric of the cloak the Temmies were wrapped in. Asgore began running towards the exit when Frisk suddenly stood in their path, holding her free hand up in front of her as if to stop them with the force, the shop-owner Temmie still under her arm.

"Temmie was joKing about breeding with Temmie!"

No one was convinced. 

With the spark of determination in her (closed???) eyes, Frisk turned and gestured for the others to follow her lead. She strode confidently out of the cave.

"I fucking knew it." Undyne blurted out. "She has something up her sleeve!!"

"Yes, I'm sure it's a great plan!" Toriel ran hurriedly after her child.

As they exited and quickly made their way further out, the sound of an engine grew louder with every step, until- 

"O-okay human, you can load them on...but I'm not doing this for you or anything!!! I-I don't like you or anything!!" A blushy Tsunderplane stuttered, door open and a ramp in the ground just in front of the mismatched family's feet. 

"Frisk! You're a genius!" Alphys praised the small child. Frisk puffed out her chest with a proud grin.

"oK!!! Temmie go on vacation naOW!! BAI!!!" Tem Shop's owner extracted itself from Frisk's grasp and grabbed it's face before dragging it's suitcase up Tsunderplane's ramp. 

The rest of the Temmies saw the shop Temmie enter Tsunderplane (kyaa~!), and immediately they all wanted in. "TEMMIE go with Temmie on vaCation!!!" The mountain of Temmies began to board the plane.

"GENIUS!!! THE TEMMIES GET TO GO ON VACATION ON THE ANIME PLANE!!! WOWIE FRISK, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD SUCH GREAT CONNECTIONS!!!" Papyrus clapped a hand proudly on Frisk's small shoulder. She gave him a thumbs up and a smile.

"Glad that's over! Now we can all go back to the surface and get the hell out of here, right?!!" Undyne eagerly hopped in place.

Sans walked up to them, cleaning ketchup off of himself. "Meet you guys there." And walked off without another word.

As they all happily waltzed back down the path towards their salvation, Undyne glanced back, thinking she had seen a foreboding shadow tracing their footsteps. And yet, all was clear. 

"Guess it was nothin'... Hey guys, wait up!!!!!" Undyne launched herself back to her family in a powerful jump using her stronk buns and thighs.

After the group had cleared, out of the shadows, a large Temmie revealed itself. Perched atop it's head was a crown, and it wore a royal purple robe over it's shoulders.

"Tem, tEm tem..... TEM!!!!!!!!!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Tem is stronk, but the human's family's determination is stronker


	2. Unwelcome Passenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk discovers she is not alone in her conscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the next chapter are both authored by just me (FishSlayer), and will be a two-shot continuation. The regular amounts of humor and fluff are included, but these chapters will have a much darker focus than the first. Just a warning. Enjoy!

It was complete and utter dark, thick and oppressive. Frisk stood within the black abyss, alone and calm. A soft glow appeared at her back. She turned to face it, and found a patch of fluffy golden flowers, lit up like small, soft stars. A child stood on them, roughly the same height as Frisk herself, with a haircut similar to hers and a striped shirt much like many in her wardrobe. The child smiled at her. 

"Hello there. You and I have some very important business to attend to together." Her smile contorted into something dark and twisted, and her eyes flooded with a gorey red. She opened her mouth, pitch black tar oozing from it as she spoke- 

"OOOHH MY LOOOVE, PLEASE RUUUN AWAAAAYY, MONSTER KIIIING, FORBIDS YOUR STAAAY~"

The song blasted obnoxiously through Frisk's consciousness and brought her back to the waking world. She gave herself a moment to lay in her bed before sighing and swiping her clunky old cell phone off the side table to answer the call. 

"Hello darling~! I hope you're well rested, because I'd like to invite you to be my co-host on the show I'm broadcasting today. I could use a human opinion on these recipes! Alright sweetheart, thank you, see you at my place soon~!" 

Mettaton ended the call before Frisk could respond, as expected. She wasn’t against it of course, this was another chance to show off her knowledge to her family and get them a bit more acquainted with the Overworld. Besides, Frisk knew first-hand how much fun Mettaton’s shows were. She was in. 

After going through her regular hygienic morning routine and letting Toriel know where she was headed ("Take a jacket, and let me know if you need me to pick you up later, Frisk!"), she walked out of the house and onto the mostly clear sidewalk, heading to Mettaton's place. She took all the shortcuts she knew, cutting through yards and jumping fences. 

Something felt off. Frisk knew she dreamed the night before, and that it was important, but she couldn't remember a single millisecond of it. It bothered her. Perhaps she would dream of it again, but if she didn’t it couldn’t have been that important. 

Her tiny fist had barely made contact with the door when it suddenly swung inside and Mettaton swept her off her feet, up into a hug and daintily kissed her cheek. "So glad you made it, darling!" She grinned as he set her back on her feet, "Everything's all set, Blooky’s here to be our sound guy! Anyway, come along!" 

They went straight to the kitchen, all the lights and cameras were set just as Mettaton said, and Napstablook gave Frisk a small grin and a shy wave from across the next room (which she returned happily). They were actually already rolling as well. Frisk grabbed a step stool immediately and climbed up it to wash her hands before anything else. 

She stared into the camera with a serious expression for several moments, in order to capture the serious seriousity of the act. The camera slowly zoomed in on Frisk’s face, the sounds of hands being washed in the background. You wipe your poop with those hands. Don’t put poop in your food, you filthy freaking savages. The camera started shaking aggressively. 

Then she jumped down and moved the stool next to the counter, climbing up once more to take her place next to Mettaton, who clapped his hands together and smiled charmingly at the camera. 

“Welcome beauties, to the premiere of my new cooking show!!!” A recording of applause sounded in the kitchen, accompanied by Mettaton’s classic intro theme. Confetti rained down from the ceiling and stuck to Frisk’s nose. She blew it off with a discreet puff of air. 

“I hope those ovens are preheating, because today we’re making fancy baked mac and cheese!” He gestured toward Frisk with a flourish, “My lovely co-host will be assisting me! The ingredients have all been gathered on that counter there, Frisk.” He pointed with a grin. Frisk nodded.

“So, after making sure your oven is preheated to 350 degrees, cook the macaroni in a large pot of boiling water.” Mettaton looked once again to Frisk. “Go for it, sweetheart!” 

Frisk jumped off the stool and grabbed the macaroni. The water was on the stove, already boiling (Mettaton really made sure to be prepared), so she pushed the stool beside it and climbed up to pour the dry noodles in. 

“In the meantime, I’m melting the butter in this pot here. Grab the mustard and flour for me, darling?” Mettaton gave her a wink and picked a whisk out of a kitchen utensil holder. Frisk smiled and jumped from the stool, gathering the requested ingredients and turning to bring them back to Mettaton. 

As soon as she had, however, a loud crash resounded from the entrance. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT PASTA??!!! FRISK, I TOLD YOU THE MORE YOU STIR, THE BETTER IT IS!!! LET ME DO IT!!!” 

Undyne blew into the kitchen and went straight up to the oven, grabbing a large wooden spoon on the way and shoving it into the pot aggressively. She stirred so hard and so fast you’d think all the water would splash out in a chaotic maelstrom of “NGAAAHHH”, but it all stayed inside the pot. She cackled demonically. Mettaton backed away to a safe distance, looking confused and slightly thrilled at the strange event. 

“What is this?! Are we being invaded? Frisk, dear, I didn’t ask you to call more help-“ 

“I BROUGHT THE OTHER INGREDIENTS. WHAT KIND OF SPAGHETTI DOESN’T HAVE TOMATO SAUCE???” Papyrus burst in unceremoniously, a paper bag in hand and a tall, white chef’s hat on the top of his skull. 

Frisk grabbed the cookbook and showed him a picture from a Fettuccini Alfredo recipe. He stared at it and scratched his head. 

“PAPYRUS, START MAKING THE SAUCE, THE NOODLES ARE ALMOST READY!!!” Undyne shouted over the clanging of her intense stirring. 

“Hold on, we’re not making spaghetti-“ Mettaton tried to interject, but was interrupted by Papyrus dumping the unnecessarily large bag of tomatoes onto a cutting board on the counter. “HERE WE GO. FRISK, WHERE ARE THE KNIVES?” 

Pushing the stool to the portion of the counter where the knives sat in a wooden block, Frisk climbed up to the top and grasped the handle of a long blade. She froze. The strange, uncomfortable feeling was back, and it was strong. A voice tickled the back of her mind. 

“Draw it out. Draw it out and stab them, all of them. Start with the skeleton, he’s closest, and most oblivious. Take the knife.”

It was drawn before she knew it, and she stared at the blade in her grip. She heard Papyrus humming happily to himself behind her, Mettaton still attempting to explain to him that they weren’t making spaghetti. 

“Shove the blade into him, Frisk. Stab him stab him stab him stab him-“ 

Frisk stepped off the stool and turned to Papyrus. She tapped him on the shoulder.

"HM? OH, YOU GOT THE KNIFE, THANKS HUMAN!!!” 

“STAB HIM YOU FOOL-“ 

She flipped the knife around and held it by the flat of the blade, extending the handle to Papyrus. He took it with a grin and a thumbs up. She returned both warmly. Mettaton huffed and started to tell her she shouldn’t be encouraging them, when he noticed the look on her face and asked if she was alright. Frisk nodded, but pointed a thumb to the hallway leading to the bathroom. Mettaton replied with a quick “Oh, then hurry back, darling!” As she left, she heard Undyne’s voice shouting, “YEA, KID, YOU CAN’T BE MISSING THESE LESSONS!!! MOVE THOSE SHORT LITTLE LEGS AND RUN!!!” 

Once the bathroom door was locked, Frisk turned to stare at her reflection in the mirror. Well, one of the many varied types that Mettaton had in there for “business” purposes. Things were not right with her, she clearly had a strange new passenger. A violent one who wanted her to murder her friends.

This passenger was absolutely not welcome, Frisk decided. 

Her attention snapped back to the mirror when a shape formed beside her in it. A familiar shape. It was a child much like herself, with a striped shirt and shoulder length, brown hair. The child’s eyes, though, her face… 

Frisk suddenly recalled the dream she’d forgotten when she’d been woken so abruptly that morning. 

“I see you remember me, now. Fool. I told you we have important things to do. There’s no point in resisting me.” Chara’s smile broadened, and she leaned in towards Frisk threateningly. 

“You think being friends with everyone and never doing a thing to hurt any living being will get you places. You think it’s best to live that way, best for everyone and everything.” Her eyes bled crimson and her teeth reshaped into vicious needle points. 

"But you don’t know a damn thing about this world. You don’t know a damn thing about humans and their filth, their darkness, their cruelty. They do nothing but choke the life and joy out of everything else. It is their nature. I learned early.” 

Frisk’s brow furrowed, and she frowned deeply. This one must be…the first fallen child. Things were clicking into place. She wondered what heinous act had been carried out on Chara to cause her to end up stumbling into the depths of Mount Ebott. 

"That is not a story I will be sharing. You pacifist moron. What you do is all for naught, you’re only letting the filth breed more filth, and soon the whole world will rot.” 

She’d forgotten Chara was privy to her thoughts. Frisk sighed, frustrated. Chara giggled, and leaned back. 

"Irritated? Good. Let’s head back to your pals and grab another blade-“

In the middle of Chara’s sentence, Frisk leaned toward her in the mirror, grabbed the edge of her mouth, and drew her hand across it lengthwise. When she drew back, there was a closed zipper over Chara’s lips. Frisk grinned, fists on her hips, and left Chara angrily grunting and pulling at the zipper in the bathroom mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea, so I'm a little sick of all the fanart and fics depicting Chara as having a stronger will than Frisk. Like, to the point Chara can just control Frisk whenever, with ease. Frisk is no pushover. 
> 
> This next chapter should be fun.


End file.
